Thinking outside the coupon binder

My friend Mike recently posted a note on his Facebook page that made me very happy.  He gave me permission to repost it here; it brings up some coupon issues that I hadn't thought of before, and he's come up with a creative solution for several nagging issues in one neat package.  I love it.

It all started with my internet friend who runs this blog thing (she's a very cool individual, regardless of the coupon thing):

The Angry Cheapskate

It didn't really resonate with me at first since, as a single guy, I don't buy that much coupon related stuff. (food items and paper goods, and toothpaste, etc.) Stuff I buy at the grocery store tends to last me a while because I'm the only one using it. Saving fifty cents on trash bags every three months isn't that massive an incentive to me in the long run. I did, however, pass the URL on to a coworker that has a six person family (husband and four kids plus her). She had been talking about that coupon based reality show (barf) on TV, and I said something along the lines of "Here, check out the blog and maybe you'll get some ideas." Like everybody about now, she was looking at ways to economize a bit and with four kids heavily into the tween/teen years, she needs it. (one just got accepted to NC State, so college tuition looms heavily as well)

At first she kind of dismissed the idea as something old ladies do in the checkout line in front of you and bottleneck the line, but it wasn't long until she had a big binder full of coupons to organize her weekly clippings. Suddenly she (like my bloggy friend) was reporting savings weekly in the one to two hundred dollar range depending on what she bought and what the deals were that week. Sure, she has indeed ended up with thirty pounds of pasta during one shopping adventure, but with the kids, it won't last as long as you might think and it was nearly free when she was done. It is a bit of work to make sure you go to the right store for the right deal, scour the papers and fliers and keep everything organized, but you can't dismiss the results. I encourage anybody, especially with a big family, to check out Chellie's blog and try it out for yourself.

This all led to a discussion at lunch one day about just how much we spend on going "out" to lunch. When you add it up, it's astounding, especially when you consider the relative quality of the food. Not a great situation at all looking at cost/benefit ratio. Now that we are getting older and, let's face it, ain't nobody getting any smaller/healthier, the quality of food issue really sticks out. Over the next few lunches we hatched a mash-up of the coupon and lunch issues and have decided to maximize food dollars with the coupons, and then use the fresh food and cooking it ourselves to maximize the food quality as well. We figure that with careful shopping, coupons and buying healthy fruits, veggies and chicken with some other carefully selected meats tossed into the menu, we can do this for about sixty bucks a week for 5-6 people. If you consider that we spend on average ten dollars a day (and I bet you do too if you eat at places with anything above a dollar menu, and if you're eating dollar menu you know what quality you're getting there) eating out during the week. For me that's fifty a week, minimum. That works out to $200 a month I'm blowing on lunch. That could be going to something useful, like lottery tickets. Or, you know, gas or retirement or something silly.

We have equipped the office break area with items like a crock pot (that I had just sitting around in my house), flatware (from the dollar store), plates, baskets to hang veggies and produce, toaster oven, and other such cookware for little to no real investment. We have worked out a menu that calls for salads a couple days of the week with fresh produce, crock-pot (slow cooker to some of you) dishes that we can set-and-forget in the morning, things that freeze well to keep in the freezer before preparation. It's a work in progress, but it's promising. We eat well with freshly prepared foods, better nutrition, more portion and calorie control and we still set aside one day a week to do shopping and eat "out" just to give us a break from the office. All that and our personal budgets will be much happier for it. Especially after garden season cranks up here. Fruits and veggies out the ying-yang from family gardens and farmers markets will really max out the budget nicely all summer.

Add this to the walking course we've mapped out through the neighborhoods around the office, and hopefully we'll all be healthier and slimmer in a few months to come. Again, it's a work in progress, so things will get massaged and tweaked as we go, but overall it's a workable plan with good short and long term benefits. It's not like we come up with good, workable, beneficial plans here very often, so it's kind of a new area for us.

Now, my thoughts:

On Coupons & Marketing

This week's debacle at Rite Aid got me to thinking.

Back in another lifetime, I worked in advertising & marketing.  Everywhere we go every single day, we're constantly surrounded by suggestions on where to shop and what to buy, and for the most part marketers have 'how to get people to buy their shit' down pat.  It's part psychology, part math, and part voodoo, really, but - let's face it - it works.  Marketing works, especially when it's done right.

Businesses don't offer sales and manufacturers don't issue coupons because they're nice.   They do it to make money.  Nothing more, nothing less; sales and coupons are a form of marketing and the whole point of marketing is to sell product.

When Rite Aid decided to "give away" their store-branded paper products this week, it was likely for one of two reasons.  Either they wanted to get their product out there in order to entice folks to buy it at full price after the sale is over, or they planned on it being what's called a loss leader.
A loss leader is an item that is advertised at a crazy cheap price for the sole purpose of getting customers in the door where they will generally buy additional items since they're at the store already.  When your grocery store offers meat for $1.49lb marked down from $3.29lb, that's a loss leader.  Shoppers will rush to the store to get the inexpensive meat, and since they're in the store anyway they're more likely to buy other items - whether it's grabbing a candy bar at the checkout or loading a basket with some ice cream and rolls and soda.
Many times a manufacturer will introduce a new product to the market by organizing big sale with the stores and issuing a coupon on top of it.  The goal is to get the new product into the market (we're the market, if you didn't know) and, hopefully, consumers will discover they like the product and not only buy it again, but tell their friends and family about this great new product.  It even works on me: CVS had Evolution of Smooth lip balm free after ECB with a limit of one some weeks back.  I got my lone EOS lip balm and discovered that's it's pretty damn awesome.  I even commented to Andy that I'd totally pay full price for this stuff once my existing balm was gone.

Well, Rite Aid's plan worked - whether that plan was to introduce their product to more consumers, get shoppers into the stores, or a combination of both.
People went apeshit over free TP.  I've seen reports around the blogosphere about shoppers waiting in line before stores opened and running to the paper products to sweep everything they could into their carts.  Shoppers went from store to store to store to scoop up literally hundreds of the free TP and facial tissue.  There have been tantrums and screaming fits and lots of angry, disappointed customers who weren't able to find a single roll of TP anywhere in their area.  Come Monday morning Rite Aid quickly imposed a limit of one paper product per Wellness card; after a sea of complaints, they raised it to a limit of three items per card for the remainder of the sales week.

So while the plan worked, it also backfired horribly.  Rite Aid made a glaring mistake: they made it way too easy to get free necessities.
Toilet paper is expensive.  Everyone needs toilet paper.  In this terrible economy, a lot of families are trying to cut back and save money wherever they can, and when it comes to toilet paper you're effectively flushing money down the sewer.
It doesn't take a genius to figure out that you could rush to Rite Aid, load up your cart, pay for ten rolls of TP in cash and use the +UPs you get to pay for the next ten, and the next ten, and so on, effectively only shelling out $10 at the beginning of the day to get a vanload of paper products and still having $10 in store credit at the end to grab some milk or cold medicine.

Manufacturers issue coupons because the vast majority of the coupons that get used are redeemed one or two at a time.  If you want to get 10 free widgets by using coupons, you have to jump through a few hoops to get there.  You've got to either buy 10 newspapers, beg extra coupons from friends & family, buy coupons from a clipping service, or scrounge up discarded newspapers.  The effort involved deters what I'd guess to be 99% of the consumer base from getting multiple items.  Most folks will take their lone coupon from the Sunday paper and get one free widget because there are too many hoops to jump through to get more.

The big three drug stores almost always have at least one "free" item each week that you don't need a single coupon to get.  There are hoops, though.

On TLC's "Extreme Couponing" show

Last night, TLC aired a show called "Extreme Couponing."  It followed four couponers as they shopped like maniacs, using coupons and sales to bring their checkout totals from four figures down to a few bucks.  As the name of the show suggests, they went to extreme measures to save money - dumpster diving, 300 toothbrushes, 1000 boxes of cereal and all.

But how realistic was it?  Is that how couponing really works?

To a degree it's real, but to a bigger degree things just don't work that way.

1.  Dumpster diving: I don't dive in recycling bins for coupons.  Most couponers don't for the simple reason that it's illegal in many areas.  If you're inspired to try your hand at couponing after watching the show, go for it!  If you're inspired to root through trash and recycling bins to find your coupons, though, check with your city, county, or other local agency to make sure you won't get arrested for it.  The goal is to save money, not to find yourself needing to pony up bail.  Beyond the legality, it's a personal decision if one wants to risk digging through a public bin that may or may not have more than just paper in it.  I choose not to take the risk, but I don't fault those who do and who can do so legally.
2.  300 toothbrushes: You will not find 300 toothbrushes in a bin in one store.  Let me repeat that: you will not find 300 toothbrushes (or 1000 boxes of cereal, or 500 boxes of pasta, or 250 cans of tuna) sitting neatly on the shelf ready to be swept into your cart at your local grocery or drug store.  Real coupon shopping is not Supermarket Sweep.  This show was "set up" in that the products were ordered with the store ahead of time to make for good TV.  In reality, stores do not keep a thousand boxes of cereal on the shelf (or stored in the back).  Some managers at some stores will place a special order for a customer if possible, but the last thing you should do is buy 1000 cereal coupons from Ebay and waltz into your grocery store expecting that you'll be able to use them all in one shot.  You won't.  What you'll have to do is what the vast majority of couponers do: buy 10 at store A, buy 15 at store B, buy 10 more at store C, then come back the next day after a new shipment is in to buy another 15 at store A, 10 at store B, 25 at store C, and so on.  If you're lucky, you'll develop a good relationship with the manager at your store and he or she will be willing to order in 100 cans of tuna just for you, but that isn't going to happen your first trip.  If you ask for a special order and don't show up to buy the items, the store is stuck with them and may not be able to sell them in time - or they may not have the space to store them while they wait to sell them.  Stores won't place large orders for just anyone.  If you want to go to the lengths shown in this show, gas up your car cuz you'll be doing a LOT of driving from store to store to store to store.
3. Hidden costs: Speaking of 300 toothbrushes,  how do you think one gets enough coupons to get 300 free toothbrushes?  As much as I wish it were so, the Coupon Fairy doesn't magically rain them down while we sleep.  You either buy 300 newspapers (at $1-2 each) or you buy the individual coupons from Ebay or a clipping service (at $.02-$.50 or more per coupon).  The free toothbrushes aren't really free at that point.  In addition, there's the tax.  Some states, Ohio included, don't charge sales tax on food.  They do, however, charge sales tax on everything else, and it's charged based on pre-coupon price.  If I were to get 300 "free" toothbrushes that cost $2 each before coupon, I'd be looking at about $15 to buy the coupons and another $42 in tax - $57 for my "free" toothbrushes.  In other states, groceries are taxed.  1000 boxes of free cereal at $2 each before coupon can run you, say, $140 in tax (at 7%) and another $50 to buy the coupons.  Factor all that in before you get too excited about "extreme" couponing.  Buying 10 boxes of this "free" cereal for your family at a cost of about $1.40 in tax and another $.50 in coupon costs is absolutely fantastic; buying 1000 because they seem free is ridiculous.
4. Cheering cashiers: Yes, sometimes cashiers are extremely pleasant.  Sometimes they cheer and applaud you when your total drops from $100 to $3.23.  Sometimes they even open a checkout line just for you if you've got a big cartload of stuff.  In the real world, though, these experiences are very much an exception.  I'm lucky beyond words that my favorite Rite Aid does this sort of stuff for me.  What you'll face most often, however, are skeptical cashiers, cashiers in a rush to get you the hell out of their line, scrutiny, eternal waiting for a manager to approve a coupon, dirty looks, cranky customers in line behind you, and, at another extreme, accusations of fraud, theft, or other crimes.  Look, half the time I don't quite believe I just walked out of a store with $300 worth of product for just the cost of tax; it's not beyond the pale that a cashier could be skeptical too.  Grow a thick skin.  You'll need it.  You'll also need a backbone and a willingness to stand up for yourself all the way up to corporate if it comes to that.  In the interest of being fair, since I'm still discussing the situation with a corporate office, I'll not disclose all the details yet but - recently I had what should have been a simple shopping trip with 4 items with two legitimate coupons turn into a cashier shouting at me and a manager accusing me of coupon fraud.  You will face this if you try to go the "extreme" route.  Store employees will not line up and cheer you out of the store when you visit.  Fortunately the truly bad situations are few and far between, but they do happen and they really suck.
5. Shelf clearing: On the show, we saw one shopper load his cart with every toothbrush on display.  Don't do this.  Don't ever do this.  It's called shelf clearing, or "smash & grabbing", and it starts a chain reaction that leads to a pissed off store and an unhappy you.  For the thrill of television those toothbrushes were pre-ordered and set out for Nathan to scoop up.  In the real world, those toothbrushes are probably all the store has in stock until their next delivery comes in, which, in the case of a drug store, is probably a week or two away.  If you go in with your 300 coupons and take all the toothbrushes, there are none left for other shoppers.  This leads to those other shoppers, who probably wanted just one or two brushes, to complain to the manager.  If ten other customers complain, then another ten the next day, and ten more, and so on until that next truck arrives with more brushes, you've got a manager who's been bitched at for a week because you (the general "you") smashed & grabbed.  Good luck being allowed to buy more than one or two of any item in that store after that, and don't expect to be able to build a good relationship with that store to the degree that they'll do a special order for you in the future.  Yes, stores can limit quantities (except in Iowa, I think? whoops, it's Idaho, the only state where limits are prohibited by law) so they don't have to deal with hordes of pissed off customers who needed a toothbrush but couldn't get it because you got 300 of them.  And, let's face it, put yourself in that "other customer's" shoes.  How pissed would you be if you went to a store with your coupons to get a few bottles of shampoo for $.50 each and found that they were all gone at every store in a 20 mile radius because someone got there before you did and cleared all the shelves?  Be reasonable when you coupon.  If you want 50 of something, spread it out over a few different stores, leave plenty behind, and/or ask for a special order.  Get rainchecks.  The one caveat is if you want to buy, say, two body washes and the store only has three on the shelf - buy your two body washes.  That's not smash & grabbing.  That's normal shopping. 
6. Life outside of couponing:  You do not need to spend 6 hours each week scouting stores pre-sale.  You do not need to spend 70 hours a week planning trips and sorting coupons.  You should never neglect family life, work, or other obligations in your quest to save money.  I spend a couple hours in total planning my trips and sticking the coupons in my "shopping file."  I spend maybe an hour or two each week on the shopping itself, including drive time.  Sure, here and there I'll spend more time on either or both if it's an amazing sale week (Black Friday sales, for example), but even at its most time consuming my hobby consumes like 10 hours a week.  If you're putting 60 hours per week in for $200 in savings, it makes more sense to just get a part time job instead.  That's a little over $3 per hour - like being a waitress without any tips.  Time is money, and couponing should be an enjoyable means to turn your valuable time into extra money in your pocket.
7.  Stockpiling: A big part of effective couponing is the stockpile - the loot stack, as I call it.  If I get paid $.50 each to take home some toothpaste, I'll take it home and put it in our linen closet so we don't have to pay real money for toothpaste later.  10 boxes of cereal for $.75 each means we don't have to pay $4 for a box if we run out.  Stockpiling comes with a lot of responsibility, though.  It's just the two of us; there's no way we could eat 100 boxes of cereal before it expires.  In fact, right now we have so much cereal that the only way I'd get more at this point is if I were paid to take it, and in that case I'd donate the excess to the food pantry.  We simply couldn't eat enough before it expires and we don't have room to store more.  If your stockpile is taking over your living space, you're doing it wrong.  If you're eating cereal frantically three meals a day before it expires, you're doing it wrong.  If you get to that point, the point where your loot stack is taking over your life, you're not an effective couponer; you're a hoarder.  Before you start getting into serious couponing, locate a food pantry, church, or shelter in your area that takes both nonperishable food and non-food items like toothpaste and shampoo.  Know where you can donate your excess before you get excess.
8. Coupon restrictions: One very important aspect wasn't covered in Extreme Couponing - stores and manufacturers have coupon limits and restrictions.  It varies by store and by manufacturer.  Learn what you can and cannot do before you clip a single coupon.  Some stores don't take any printable coupons.  Some stores only allow 10 "like" coupons per day (a "like" coupon is an identical coupon, say for $1 off toothpaste - you may only be able to use 10 of those same coupons per day).  Proctor & Gamble recently added text to their coupons allowing 4 "like" coupons per transaction.  Some stores double.  Some stores don't double.  Some coupons don't double even if your store doubles.  You don't want to get 100 coupons for $.50 off tuna and take them to your store for the $1 tuna sale only to discover that your store will only allow you to use 10 of them and that they're coded to only take $.50 off per can even though your stores doubles coupons.  Some stores allow buy one, get one free coupons to be used on a buy one, get one free sale; some don't.  Some stores will not accept coupons over a certain dollar amount.  Know your stores' coupon policies front and back, and know the restrictions manufacturers put in place on their coupons. 

Extreme couponing is possible.  Trips like those shown on TLC's show, however, are an exception.  You won't be able to shop like that every week and, frankly, you shouldn't shop like that every week unless you have 18 kids or a really empty local food bank and a whole lot of time on your hands.

What you should take away from shows like this is that with some knowledge and some planning, it is possible to save a ton of money by using coupons effectively and correctly.  You can see that every week on my blog, and on tons of other blogs and websites as well.  But moderation is key here, and you have to keep one foot firmly in reality come shopping time.  The time and the periodic hassle is worth it to me - you have to decide if it will be worth it to you.

"Are these good?"

Twice, at two different stores, I've heard the exact same phrase:  "Are these good?"

No, someone wasn't asking my opinion on a product.

The first time it happened at Wendy's.  Wendy's has these newfangled natural fries with sea salt or some shit like that, and to promote their new product they posted a coupon for a free small order of fries on their website.  Two things I love are free things and Wendy's fries.  This was a match made in heaven.
Andy and I headed over to Wendy's to get us some dinner one evening.  We ordered our burgers and fries and I presented the coupons which I had left full-sheet with the Wendy's logo all over it.  Since one doesn't normally coupon shop at a fast food restaurant, I figured it was best to leave the page whole.
The cashier stared at the coupons as if I were trying to hand her a live duck.  She took them after a moment, looked at the coupons, looked at me, and called out very loudly to her manager "Hey (manager's name), are these good?" while waving the coupons above her head in his direction.
The manager's eyes went wide.  "I printed them from the Wendy's website," I told the cashier firmly but politely and she stammered what seemed like an apology.  The manager quickly came over and muttered something to her I couldn't hear, and she fumbled with the register to apply the coupons.

I was aggrivated.  Worse yet, the new fries were not very good.

Then, last week at Wags, I was purchasing some scissors.  I've gotten into the habit of checking out in cosmetics because there's almost never a line and the gal who normally works that register is knowledgeable, friendly, and efficient. 
I was faced with a conundrum the night of the scissors.  There was a steady line at the front register and absolutely no one in cosmetics, but the normal cosmetics cashier wasn't working that night.  I vaguely recognized the cashier who was working there and something told me to just go wait in line up front, but I wanted to be in & out quickly.  I went with the cosmetics register.
The cashier ignored us for a few minutes, busying herself shuffling some papers around next to the register.  I set my first transaction on the counter and had my coupons in hand and I waited for her to finish.  Hell if I know what she was doing with the papers, but it could have been important.  When she finally said hello, I did my usual "Hi there, I've got two transactions today!" spiel and silently urged her to get moving because someone had gotten in line behind me and the front register was backing up even more.
She rang the tissue paper, she rang the scissors, and I handed over the coupons for the scissors.
She looked at them and sighed.  "Hang on," she mumbled and at that moment I realized why my gut had told me to check out elsewhere.  She had rang me out once before at a front register; it was a small order and I had one printable coupon with me.  She examined that coupon like it might hold the secrets of the universe and then called a manager over to ask if she could take it.  I had been a bit surprised and asked if they had a new policy or something.  I'd familiarized myself with Walgreens' coupon policy before I started shopping there and I knew that they accept legitimate printable coupons.  She told me "Well, no, but people make fake coupons all the time and I'm not gonna get in trouble over it so I have the manager check them so it's not on me."  It was odd, but the manager told her to go ahead after a quick glance at the coupon.
So, the scissors coupons - she paged a manager over.  Said manager came to the register after a few minutes and, in an eerie repeat of the Wendy's experience, the cashier waved the coupons and called out loudly "Are these good?"
The manager gave her a funny look.  "Yes, just scan them!" she told the cashier.  I finished both my transactions, took my receipts and my RRs (I refuse to call them Jingle Cash - what a ridiculous marketing term), and stormed out to the car.

I was pissed.
I was still pissed the next day, and a satisfaction survey had printed on my second receipt.  I filled out the questionnaire expressing my lack of satisfaction with the cashier's insinuation in front of customers and other employees that my coupons could be fraudulent - twice now.

And that's what it comes down to.  Both cashiers, with a paying customer standing in front of them, insinuated that my coupons were somehow fake by loudly asking, "Are these good?" in an unpleasant tone of voice.  The Wendy's incident I can forgive - I'm sure they don't get many printable coupons, but I've been in that Walgreens pretty much every week (some weeks multiple times) for months now.  I buy lots of products.  Every other cashier I've dealt with seems able to determine that I'm not handing over forgeries or photocopies without embarrassing anyone.  I don't expect to be treated like a queen when I shop, but I do expect decency at the very least.

Ohio readers: save $3 off fresh pork

This is an unusual coupon, but you won't hear me complaining!  It's rare to find a coupon for fresh meat (or fruits & veggies), so these are always worth grabbing immediately.

Go to OhioPork.org, enter your email, and receive a coupon good for $3 off any purchase of fresh pork (as in, from the butcher/meat department).  With pork frequently on sale, this is a great way to save a few bucks off a roast or some chops!
Giant Eagle has several types of ham on sale this week ranging from $1.99-3.49lb.  If you're serving ham on Thanksgiving, consider this an extra pound's worth for free.

The anatomy of a drugstore deal: make money buying Alka Seltzer

My dear friend Michael is a well-prepared guy.  I mean that in the sense that he is literally prepared to survive the breakdown of society via economic collapse, civil war, and/or zombie apocalypse.  Alien invasion too, but that's not as likely as the other three.  He, his wife, and their friends & family will come through Mad Max just fine because Michael doesn't screw around.  I want to be like Michael when I grow up.

So, when Michael asked me earlier today to give him a heads-up if I find great deals on shelf-stable goods that he could pass on to his apocalypse-avoidant homies, I figured I'd do him and all of you a service by breaking down a good deal on over the counter medication.  Since this is a national sale at a national chain, most anyone will be able to replicate it with a little footwork ahead of time.  Cold & flu season is fast approaching; stock up now while they'll pay you to do it.

Let's begin.

Locate your nearest Rite Aid Pharmacy.  Some time before Sunday, stop in there and sign up for their Wellness+ card.  It's completely free; this is the store loyalty card that gives you discount prices and enables you to earn their +UP store dollars on eligible purchases.  You fill out a short form in the store, they give you a card, and you're on your way.

You will also want to gather your coupons.  First and foremost, determine if the Red Plum sales insert is mailed to you (usually on a Tuesday or Wednesday, arriving with your local grocery sales circular) or if it comes with the Sunday paper.  To find out, go to this Red Plum link, enter your address, and it'll tell you.
If you get this insert in the mail, start asking your neighbors, coworkers, friends and family to save their coupons for you right now.  You'll need six inserts.
If your local newspaper carries Red Plum in their Sunday paper - lucky you!!  Make plans now to purchase six newspapers on Sunday - or ask friends/family/etc if you can have the coupons from their paper.  There are piles of other useful coupons, so if you wind up buying six papers you'll still come out ahead.

However you do it, you want to make sure to have SIX coupons from that circular for $3 off "any Alka-Seltzer Plus Fast Powder Packs product."

Next, you'll want to print out a couple of these $5 off a $25 purchase coupons for Rite Aid.  You'll only need one for this deal, but they come in handy so keep a couple extra on hand.
LATE EDIT: apparently the linked coupon is acting up. If you can't get the PDF to load, please email me and I may be able to help: angrycheapskate (at) gmail (dot) com.

Starting on Sunday, 10/24, this item will be on sale at Rite Aid.

This is why we stockpile, kids

I was talking this whole couponing thing over with my friend Misty (HI MISTY!!!!).  She wants to get in on these savings and she made a comment about needing to change her mindset on how she and her family shop.  They do what most folks do; they clip Sunday's coupons for items they'll use the next week, for the stuff they've got on their shopping list for the next trip to the grocery. 

When it comes to these 70%, 80% or more savings, though, you need to do the exact opposite.

You make your list around your coupons, you don't clip coupons based on your list.

Our circular came in the mail today, and six months ago I would have looked through it and added some $2 pasta sauce, 2 packages of frozen veggies on sale for $1, and a box or two of $3 cereal to my existing list of meat, milk, etc.  I wouldn't have had any coupons because I didn't buy a Sunday newspaper and the coupon circular that comes in the mail didn't have anything for cereal, veggies, or pasta sauce (actually, the entire circular pretty much sucks ass).  But hey, they were on sale so I was saving money!

Today I looked at the sales circular for all of 5 minutes before tossing it aside.
It's craptastic.  Abso-freakin-lutely craptastic.
And, you know what?  That's perfectly fine. 

Why is it fine?

Because I got 16 packages of frozen veg last week for $.31ea on top of the 10 I'd gotten two weeks before for $.50ea.
Because I got 10 large jars of pasta sauce for $.70ea a few weeks ago.
Because I got 15 boxes of pasta at a profit last week.
I have canned tomatoes, canned veggies, cheese, lunchmeat, coffee, cookies, feminine products, toothpaste, deodorant, and all manner of everyday use items that I got for free or nearly free tucked away for shitty sales weeks just like this one. 
I'm not obligated to pay $3 for a box of cereal this week because the boxes I got for half that or less are in the pantry.  If we were out of coffee I wouldn't have much choice but to pay $11 for a single canister.

And as an extension of shopping based on your coupons rather than the other way around - you eat based on what you've already purchased for pennies on the dollar rather than shop based on what you want to eat.
I mean, sure, if you've got a craving for some ice cream, go buy the ice cream even if it's full price.  But once you get that new mindset, once you get to the point where you've got the beginnings of a stockpile of nonperishables, your meals should be planned around what you've got on hand.
With so much free pasta, I'll lean towards preparing more pasta dishes.  I've got tomatoes, pasta sauce, piles of frozen veggies, beef, chicken, cheese....I could turn that into about 10 different meals.  Instead of looking at the craptastic grocery sales this week and trying to come up with dinner, I pick and choose the few good deals and use those to supplement the food I've already got.  Next week's sales will hopefully provide more opportunities to stock up on other stuff.

So what am I buying this week?
There's the usual: milk, meat, produce, soda.
Ketchup.  We only have about a bottle and a half right now.  One store (which doesn't double coupons) has Heinz for a buck, and the other store (which does) has it for $1.29.  I may have a handful of $.75/1 coupons en route, so if those get here in time I'll take the profit on the $1.29 ketchup.  If not, I plan to pick up a couple bottles for a buck each at my non-usual store to stash aside until another sale comes up.
Ziploc bags.  $1.20 per box after sale & coupon, which is still fairly high, but again....we're almost out.  I'll buy a couple and hope for cheaper to stock up.
Bush's beans.  They're on sale and I have a stack of coupons to take the bigger cans down to $.57 and $.67ea.  That's low enough to buy 8-10 cans.
A few canned veggies for $.50ea.  We have a fairly decent amount of these, but I'll grab 5 or 10 for that price.

That's about it.  No pushing around two carts, no 58 transactions, no car packed to the rafters with bags this week.
And we have enough food stocked on our shelves to not have to worry about it.

Grocery week wrapup: $373 of groceries, health & beauty for $112.77

Our first stop was Rite Aid.
We got 5 bottles Gain dish soap, 6 Renuzit pop up air fresheners, 3 tubes Crest toothpaste, 6 boxes General Mills cereal, and 1 20oz Diet Pepsi (I was thirsty!).


Everything but the cereal was done in one transaction.  We received $5 back in +UPs (Rite Aid reward dollars) which we used to pay for part of the cereal.

Rite Aid trip:
Shelf price: $52.60
Cash paid: $18.18
Remaining rebates: $2
True out of pocket cost: $16.18 for a savings of 69.24%

We get a $2 rebate for buying the cereal, which is an odd thing to get a rebate on but I'll take it!
(yes, this was a bit of a change from my original plan at Walgreens, but this worked out to a better deal overall.)


Next we hit the grocery store.
Now folks, I'm not exaggerating here.  We each had a cart.  We were pushing two big grocery carts around the store and we LOADED THEM THE HELL UP.  Poor Andy, who was Cart Number One, was in serious danger of losing items from his overflowing buggy.  Seriously.  I rolled some OYNOs so each cart was a separate transaction, but everything wouldn't have fit in a single cart regardless.  When we finally headed home, the entire trunk of the car and the entire back seat of the car were both packed full of bags.
This was monstrous.

It was so monstrous I couldn't fit everything in the photo.

Not pictured or partially pictured: 17 cans diced tomato, 4.5lbs ground beef, 2 gallons milk, 1 carton sour cream, onions, Romaine lettuce, 5 bottles Diet Pepsi, 6 packages Ziploc storage containers, 16 bags frozen veggies, 20lb bag of cat food.

In the grocery category we've got 15 boxes pasta*, 8 boxes cereal, 4 bags Pepperidge Farm cookies, 8 packages Pillsbury Sweet Moments*, 2 cartons Greek yogurt*, 1 bottle Sierra Mist*, 1 package Tic Tacs*, 3 pouches tuna*, 1 package taco seasoning*, 2 enchilada sauces, 2 boxes taco shells, 6 boxes pizza rolls, 5 4-packs of yogurt parfaits, 1 bottle ketchup, 3.5lb bag Iams cat food

In the health & beauty category we've got 8 boxes sinus medicine ($.50ea!), 11 tubes toothpaste*, 6 sticks deodorant*, 2 boxes Playtex*, 1 bottle Advil*, 1 bottle Tide stain treatment ($.99!), 5 bottles Gain dish soap*, 6 Renuzit air fresheners ($.33ea), 1 bottle conditioner*

*Free after sales & coupons

And, honestly, I'm pretty sure I've forgotten some of it.

Grocery week wrapup: $400 worth of groceries for $53.38

We took one more trip to the grocery to catch the last of the deals I wanted to get in on.  That's three trips for the sale week with 8 transactions total made.  It will probably be a little while before deals that good crop up again; there's something worthwhile every week, but to the extent that I'll need to make three trips and ring through eight separate transactions?  Not right now.


Today I took advantage of some freebies, some random super cheap stuff, and the perishables.
Now, before I break down the shopping trip, let me explain something real quick: I'm not a fan of Hamburger Helper.  I don't recall the last time I bought the stuff.  It's not that it's godawful - it ain't great, but I've had it before and it's not disgusting.  It's just...well, I can make a skillet meal with noodles and beef and sauce cheaper than the $1.75/box it costs.  A pound of beef is a pound of beef; for a buck or less I can turn it into something much like Hamburger Helper.

That said, in the cart today was 12 boxes of Hamburger Helper.
It was free.
They were on sale for a buck.  I had coupons for $.75 off three.  If you bought 6 boxes, you got a $3 OYNO.
Six boxes: $6 - $3 in doubled coupons - $3 OYNO = free.  Since it lasts forever, I got 12 boxes.
Also free: 5 tubes of Colgate toothpaste.  It was on sale for $1.50, and I had $.75/1 coupons.  Those doubled to $1.50 off.
Also free: a can of Glade air freshener because I had a coupon for a free one.

Nearly free: 4 cake mixes, 4 tubs of frosting, and one cookie sheet.  Grand total = $1.  I'll probably donate the frosting to a food pantry because I don't use it, but it was part of the requirement to fulfill this deal.
You can buy any 4 frostings and get a free Wilton cookie sheet or cake pan (same deal as last trip with the cookie mixes and the free pan).  I had coupons for $.75 off when you buy a Betty Crocker cake mix and frosting tub.  Buying 4 frostings also generated a $3 OYNO.  To top it off, both items were on sale; it was $2.50 to get a frosting and a cake mix.
Four mixes & frostings: $10 - $6 in doubled coupons - $3 OYNO = $1, plus a free cookie sheet.

I ran one transaction with six boxes of Hamburger Helper, the cake mixes & frostings, and the pan - total $16.  After coupons my total was $7.  I paid with $6 of OYNOs from Saturday's trip and a dollar bill.
I received two more $3 OYNOs back, which still left me with $21 in OYNOs total.

I then ran a second transaction with everything else.  There was the other six Hamburger Helpers, five Colgate toothpastes, a can of Glade, another small bottle of Tabasco sauce, three bottles of Dawn dish soap, a pack of scouring pads, two gallons of milk, three pounds of boneless skinless chicken breasts, and four pounds of ground beef - total $56.91.  After coupons it was $33.91.  I paid with $21 in OYNOs and $12.91 cash.
I received one more $3 OYNO back.

And that was it.  We were done for this crazy week of deals.

Today's shelf price: $82.65
Cash paid: $13.91
Remaining OYNOs: $3
True out of pocket cost: $10.91, for a savings of 87%

And the total for the sale week 9/30-10/6
Shelf price: $400.08
Out of pocket cost: $53.38, for a savings on the week of $346.70, or 86.7%

I spent about 5 hours clipping and organizing coupons and we'll say another 3 hours on the shopping trips including driving time and putting stuff away at home.  My eight hours of work amounts to $43.34 per hour.

I stocked up on a year's worth of hot dogs and bologna and six to nine months' worth of toothpaste, coffee, cheese, and mayonnaise.  There's two months' worth of treats in the cookie and cake mixes.  We have enough meat and prepared food for lunches (thanks to the soup and frozen meals) for two weeks.

This was all done using manufacturers' coupons from the Sunday paper and the weekly mail circulars.
This is not impossible.  Anyone can do this.  You don't have to buy coupons on Ebay (it helps, but it isn't necessary!), you don't have to do anything shady or underhanded, and you don't have to go to any great lengths.  You just have to be willing to set aside a little time to gather your materials and to do a little bit of math to figure out how to get the most for your money.

Another grocery trip, another 84% off

A girl could get addicted to getting food for pennies on the dollar.  Really.

For today's trip I finished up the Kraft deal so I got everything done in two transactions.  Not too much overall craziness, though I have officially reached the "full" point in our freezer and have taken over a shelf in my mom's stand-up freezer for the overflow.

We were a little more relaxed in the store today.  We browsed a couple aisles and caught a few extra deals doing so including some unexpected free stuff!

First transaction: 6 squeeze bottles Kraft mayo (2 regular, 2 light, 2 olive oil), four packages Oscar Meyer hot dogs.  Total $25.56.  I handed the cashier three $1/2 mayo coupons, two $1/2 hot dog coupons, and three $5 OYNOs (from Thursday's trip).  Total $5.56.  I received three more $5 OYNOs back.


Second transaction: 14 bags (!!!) Kraft shredded cheese, 2 packages Kraft singles, 6 Healthy Choice frozen meals, 2 bags Gorton battered fish, 2 cartons store brand ready-to-eat soup, 1 cake mix, 4 pouches Betty Crocker cookie mix, 1 Tabasco sauce, 1 Wilton cookie sheet, 2 bottles wine.  Total $87.85.  I handed the cashier a $5/5 Kraft cheese coupon, three $1/2 shredded cheese coupons, two $1/3 Healthy Choice coupons, two $1/1 Gorton's coupon, one $.75/1 Tabasco coupon (doubled), four $.50/1 cookie mix coupons (doubled), 2 coupons for FREE store brand soup, three $5 OYNOs, and since I bought four cookie mixes I got the cookie sheet (worth $5.49) for FREE.  Total $41.95.  I received three more $5 OYNOs back.

Shelf price (no sales or coupons) for all the above items is $168.21
Cash paid today: $47.51
Remaining same-as-cash OYNOs: $21
True out of pocket cost: $26.51, for a savings of 84%

I just saved 89% off my grocery bill

Grocery trip, part one.

It was a dark and stormy night; no shit, there I was.  I had a stack of coupons, a shopping list, and an evil, evil plan.  Plans don't always go perfectly and this one is no different, but I thought quick; I reformulated on the fly.  And I made it happen.

My mission: purchase hot dogs, coffee, bologna, cheese, cat food, and a couple candy bars for the road.  Not only purchase them, but spend as little money as possible doing so.

We entered the store, took a cart, and I lead the charge with a purposeful stride.  If I'd been wearing a cape (which I totally should have, dammit!), it would have been flowing dramatically behind me and perhaps some appropriately dramatic music would have been playing.  

I loaded six big canisters of coffee in the cart.  Check.

I loaded 8lbs of bologna in the cart.  Check.

I went to load 8lbs of hot dogs in the cart - but wait!  They'd been picked nearly clean!  Only six pounds remained in the store.  Shaking my fist skyward, I wailed "NOOOOOOO!"  And then I collected myself and tossed four pounds in the cart.   I had to buy those in multiples of four; no more, no less.  That's okay.  I'll get the rest another time.

Andy patiently trailed behind me with the cart as I strode onwards.

I loaded 8 packages of cheese slices into the cart.  Sharp cheddar.  Two percent.  It ain't gourmet, but it freezes well and it's cheap.  

I loaded in 6 cans of cat food, two candy bars, and a box of Tic Tacs.  We strode to the self checkout registers and were distracted by the coolers of soda.  There was a tearpad of coupons hanging there, taunting us, offering $.50 off a Pepsi Max product.  That coupon doubles at our store, so I grabbed two icy beverages and two coupons to provide the refreshment we'll surely need.

Checkout.  Andy took up his post at the bagging area and I stood at the register, poised to begin.

And.....we're off.

I scanned 8lbs of bologna.  Total $15.12.  I scanned four $1/2 (one dollar off two packages) coupons for lunchmeat.  Total $11.12.  I fed the cash into the machine and it reciprocated by printing out two $5 OYNO (off your next order) Catalinas.

Next I scanned through the six coffees.  Total $35.94.  I scanned four $1/1 coupons and both $5 OYNOs.  Total $21.94.  

The machine gave me back four $5 OYNOs.

Next I scanned through the 8 packages of cheese.  Total $16.  I scanned four $1/2 coupons and two $5 OYNOs.  Total $2.00.  

I got back two more $5 OYNOs.

For my grand finale, I scanned through 4lbs of hot dogs, six cans of cat food*, two candy bars, one box of Tic Tacs*, and two bottles of Pepsi Max*.  Total $19.95.  I scanned two $1/2 hot dog coupons, three $1/2 cat food coupons, two $.50/1 Pepsi coupons, one $.75/1 Tic Tac coupon, and one BOGO (buy one get one) candy bar coupon.  With a flourish and a swell of climactic mental music, I scanned one more $5 OYNO.  Total $1.87.

I got back one more $5 OYNOs and a $1 OYNO.

(* free after coupons)

I went in there with $40 in cash in my hand.

I walked out with $3.04 in change and $21 worth of OYNOs

Total shelf price (no coupons or store sales): $149.22

Cash paid: $36.96

Remaining same-as-cash OYNO Catalina coupons: $21

True out of pocket cost: $15.96, for a savings of 89.31%

How I plan a shopping trip

It's Monday.  Yesterday was coupon day: the Sunday paper insert.  Or, in my case, the Sunday paper inserts.  I knew what coupons were coming out ahead of time and there were some good ones, so I asked Andy to pick up three papers because he gets up stupid early and would get to the corner store before the papers were bought up.  Total cost: $6.  We need cheese, so the six $1 off Kraft coupons paid for the papers; every other coupon was straight savings.
I wish I'd had him grab a couple more.  This was an amazing coupon week.

When I look at the sales preview, I mainly look for two types of coupons:
1) Items that we need now or will need in the very near future.  Cheese, foil, canned tomatoes, Dawn dish soap and a few others jumped out at me.  These are items we're low on, that we use a lot of, and that I'm going to buy quickly.
2) Items (nonperishable) that we use which will shortly be on sale.  It's fall, Thanksgiving and the holiday baking season are approaching, so I know that things like chicken broth, evaporated milk, chocolate chips, cake mixes, flour, and so on will be on deep discount in the next month to six weeks.  This week's circular included coupons for broth, evaporated milk, cake mix, and food storage items (zip bags, plastic containers, etc) as standouts for our needs.  These are items with a very long shelf life, so using coupons on top of a good sale means when I need chicken broth in 4 months, I'll only have paid a few cents a can rather than over a buck each if I bought it as-needed.
There were also coupons for Maxwell House coffee; this is our preferred brand and I know by observation it tends to go on sale every couple months year-round at our grocery.  In addition, coffee prices are going through the roof.  I'd rather buy extra at today's lower prices than be stuck paying double two months from now.  Products with volatile pricing or seasonal availability (coffee, sugar, flour, canned pumpkin as examples) are well worth buying a few extras when the price is low.

So.

I spent a little time Sunday cutting out the coupons and filing them in my little accordion coupon folder.  I also use a couple envelopes - reused from incoming mail - for specific types of coupon: baby products for my sister, assorted products for my mom, items I'll only buy if they wind up free or nearly free after coupon, etc.

Nothing usually happens with the coupons for several days.  I file 'em and go on with my life.  By Sunday I've either done all the shopping I need to do or I have my existing coupons arranged and ready to go for an early-week trip.

Come Monday or Tuesday, though, the ad for the sales starting on Thursday hits the 'net.  Those ads aren't in homes until Wednesday, but there are folks with "connections" who post them online early.  I use the early post to start planning our shopping.

We've got a good one this week.  There's a "spend $15, get $5 OYNO" (off your next order) deal going on and many items I have coupons for are included.  So here's the rough framework I'm starting with:

So you need more coupons.

When you're just starting on a money-saving journey by using coupons, one problem you'll quickly run into is that you can't seem to find quite enough coupons on products you regularly use.  You're stuck at the whims of whatever happens to be printed in Sunday's paper, and, honestly, there are some weeks where the coupon circulars just suck.  That makes me mad.  I get all excited when the newspaper or the Red Plum circulars arrive and after a minute I'm like, "I don't need any freaking Metamucil.  Or cans of mushrooms.  WTF!"  I need coupons for stuff I can use, man!

There's a simple solution to lack of useful coupons, one that doesn't cost anything more than a few minutes of your time.

Pay attention to the various products you use on a regular basis - whether shampoo, pet food, canned tuna, beverages, whatever.  Take the time to go to those companies' web sites and locate their "contact" link - usually at the bottom of the page.  Most of these sites have a web form you can fill out right there; enter your name and address, sometimes your email address, and a quick note letting the company know that you use and enjoy their product.

For example, let's say you go through a lot of Brand X's canned mushrooms.  Mushrooms are gross and I don't know why one would use them in small quantities let alone large, but we'll just roll with the example.  Anyways.  Do a quick Google search for Brand X mushrooms and go to the site.  Find the "contact" link, include your name and mailing address, and say something like "I just wanted to drop you a quick note to let you know that your canned mushrooms are the only kind I use in my mushroom casserole.  I tried the store brand once and quickly realized that your fungus is of a much higher quality - I'm a customer for life.  Thank you for such a great product!"
Click send and move on with your day.

Not every company out there will do so, but many will send you a nice package in the mail with a handful of coupons and sometimes other swag like recipe booklets, a pen, a hat, or some free samples.  A two minute effort on your part may well pay off with several dollars in savings on your favorite products, and if you spend a few minutes a day dashing off a comment or two, those coupons will start rolling in.

On the flip side, sometimes you buy a new product to try and you're not very happy with it.  Maybe your favorite juice brand changed their formula and you don't much care for it.  If you're not happy with a product you've purchased....contact the company in the same manner as above and let them know!  Be nice about it, but a few words about your dissatisfaction will, at the very least, let the company know that something may be wrong and, at best, may garner you coupons to try the product again, product samples, or a refund.

A real-life example is something that happened to us this week.  I made some pasta using a jar of pasta sauce and it was all tasty, but Andy bit into....a thing.  It was something that shouldn't have been in the sauce.  It vaguely looked like a big hunk of mushroom (seriously), but this was a tomato-basil sauce.  There should be no mushroom. 
It wasn't a finger and it wasn't a shard of glass, so we weren't freaking out - but it was unnerving.  I sent a polite email to the sauce company explaining what we found and that we were kinda grossed out by the whole thing.  No resolution yet, but this is a situation where one might expect a coupon to replace the product.  We'll see what happens.

There's a third option to try and score some extra coupons, though don't expect it to work often.  If there's a  product that you want to try for the first time, use the above contact methods to, well, ask for a coupon.  Let the company know you haven't tried their product yet, that you'd like to, and ask if they would be able to send you any coupons for it.  This tends to work better with smaller companies as opposed to the large, multi-national brands.  The big boys already issue coupons in sales circulars and magazines for new and existing products; a small company may not have the budget to market so expensively.  For the same reason big companies print coupons in the circulars (that reason being to try and reel in new customers and extra sales), small companies are often willing to send out a dollar-off coupon to try and entice you to buy their stuff.

Give it a shot.  There's nothing to lose but a little bit of time.

Andy starts to understand couponing

Some months ago, when I first started clipping coupons here and there, Andy was against the idea.  Being just as angry and jaded as I am, he figured coupons were effectively worthless and we'd use them to buy stuff we didn't need only because we thought we were getting a bargain.

One week Andy wanted to make pasta with meat sauce.  He and I make this simple dish very differently and he was in the mood for his version - a way higher ratio of sauce to pasta than I prefer.  I'd clipped a coupon for some Bertolli pasta sauce - $.75 off two jars.  He "pshawed" that the store brand would be cheaper.  When we got to the pasta aisle, the Bertolli sauce was on sale, and some of the jars had a $1 off two hangtag coupon on them.  Well, our local grocery doubles coupons up to $.99 so that meant $1.50 off two jars plus another buck off if we could use both coupons.  The sauce was on sale two for $4.  Subtract $2.50 in coupons from that for a total of $1.50, or $.75 per jar of sauce.  That's a good deal, one much cheaper than the $2 store brand sauce.
That one deal is what hooked me.  I looked at those $.75 jars of pasta sauce and thought, "I can do better."

So I started paying more attention to the sale circulars and coupon inserts.  I'd look at a coupon and think - is this something we'd actually use?  Cans of mushrooms - no.  Soy milk - no.  Cereal?  Hell yes.  Tylenol?  Yeah, we get headaches.  I clipped out the coupons we'd potentially use and tossed the rest in the bin.  Then, as we needed something, I'd check to see if I had a coupon.  I became an average couponer.

I'd always envied those stories I'd see posted online about shoppers who'd saved massive amounts of money off their grocery bill with coupons.  I couldn't freaking figure out how they did it.  I knew they clipped huge numbers of coupons and either bought numerous Sunday papers, collected extra inserts from family and friends, or bought piles of coupons online.  Somehow they made magic things happen, but I was missing a step.  I wasn't quite ready to buy coupons off Ebay or spend $20 on 10 Sunday papers.  I did swipe extra unused coupons from my Mom if I was at her house on a Sunday, but that's as far as I went.

Recently, things started to click for me.
I needed to buy some chicken broth.  I had a coupon for a dollar off two cartons and they were coincidentally on sale 2 for $4 the week I needed them.  $1.50 per carton was a great price in my book, so off I went to the grocery.  While I was strolling the aisles, I saw that the big bags of Combos were on sale as well, and I happened to have a $.50 off two coupon (double to $1 off two).  We love Combos, so I grabbed two bags along with my chicken broth and a few other necessities.  At the self checkout lane I started to scan my items through, and when the broth went through the little machine doohickey (in proper terms, that would be the Catalina machine) spit out a coupon.  I normally don't even look at those until I've completed my order, but for whatever reason I glanced at it this time.  It was a coupon for $.50 off any two chicken broth products - same brand I was already buying.
A lightbulb started to flicker over my head.  I set it aside and continued scanning my other items.  When the Combos went through, another coupon spit out....a doubleable for Combos.  Coffee creamer - another coupon spit out for the Coffee-Mate I was already buying.  Once everything was scanned through, I ran my original two coupons.  Then, figuring it was worth a shot, I ran the chicken broth Catalina that had spit out.  It ran through and doubled.  So did the Combos Catalina.  So did the creamer Catalina.  The machine had just rung me up for two large cartons of chicken broth for a buck each, coffee creamer for under a buck each, and two bags of Combos for just over a buck each.

Feeling sort of guilty, I took my groceries home and wondered what had just happened.  I spent the evening poring over various couponing sites until I realized that, in most cases, I could use one coupon per item purchased even if it was for 100 items.  If I was buying two jars of pasta sauce, I could use two coupons.  If I was buying ten jars, I could use ten coupons.  If I combined multiple coupons with a great sale, the savings simply piled up.  Better yet - if I can get a nonperishable item (such s pasta sauce) super cheap now, I should buy some extras to keep on hand so I don't have to buy them at a non-sale, non-coupon price later.  It started to fall into place.

I spent some time gathering various coupons and watching sales.  I planned very carefully.

Yesterday we went grocery shopping.  I was armed with a shopping list and my little coupon file.  I gave Andy strict instructions to keep a close eye out for any blinking coupon machines ("blinkies"), any coupons stuck to items ("peelies"), pads of coupons you could tear off ("tearpads"), and any coupons hanging off items - usually jars or bottles ("hangtags").  We went to the big, fancy, new store as opposed to our little neighborhood store and set off to see what I could accomplish.

I price-checked some items.  The doubleable candy coupon I had matched up to a sale item, making a $4 item $1.25.  We tossed that in the cart.  Andy spotted a blinkie machine and came back with some more candy coupons.  $3.49 regular price, on sale, with a coupon it came down to $.99 each.  We got two.  The Jimmy Dean coupon didn't make it a low enough price, so we hung on to that one to wait for a better sale.  We had a heated discussion in the frozen section on whether we should get some frozen Healthy Choice meals on sale with a blinkie.
"We don't eat frozen meals," I reminded him.
"Well, I used to!  This looks like a good deal, and the coupon..." he responded.
"Are you going to eat three of those things in the next week?"  The look on his face said no.  "If we're not gonna eat it, it's not a good deal, hon."
We didn't get any Healthy Choice meals.
I had a coupon for $1 off two cans of Campbell's Healthy Choice soup, which were on sale for $1 each.  We got two cans - $.50 each for a lazy, quick lunch for me.  We pondered another Campbell's coupon but decided it wasn't quite a good enough deal and saved that coupon for later.
I grabbed some blinkie coupons and a bread coupon from a tearpad along the way.  None were good sale items at the time, but they might be in a week or two.

By the time we got up to the self-checkout the cart was piled full of food and Andy was looking kinda green.  There was at least $200 worth of stuff in that cart and he knew it.  Regardless, we hit an empty lane and sprang into action.  We have a wonderful system worked out when we shop together; I scan items like a madwoman while he bags them neatly and quickly.  We're like a well-oiled machine.  It's bad enough when we have a lot of stuff, but I knew how many coupons I had.  We had to be quick so we didn't hold up any line that might form.
We were purchasing some items that gave a "dollars off your next order" ("OYNO") Catalina coupon.  My plan was to quickly ring those items through, get the $5 off Catalinas, pay for those separately, and quickly scan through the rest of the items so I could bump $5 more off with the OYNOs.  On the third can of vegetables, I knew we'd made a mistake.  It rang up at a higher price, and I immediately realized Andy had grabbed one of the non-sale, non-$2-Catalina-back items.  One can threw everything off.
I reformulated.  We'll just save the $5 Catalinas for next shopping trip.  I sent him back into the store to get the correct item, rang for cashier assistance to void the wrong item, and continued scanning.  The cashier came and voided the bum item, Andy came back with the right one, and we were back on track with barely a missed step.

A dude got in line behind us with a big pack of toilet paper and a couple bags of shredded cheese.  I politely let him know that we had a lot of stuff and that I had coupons in case he wanted to move to a different machine.  He shrugged and said he wasn't in a rush.

I kept scanning.  Andy kept bagging.  The Catalina machine kept spitting out coupons.
Then the moment of truth. $236 shelf price, with the grocery rewards card (the automatic discounts) our pre-tax total was down to $131.45.
I started scanning coupons.  After each one the machine kindly says, "Please place coupon in the slot."  I had the coupon in the coupon slot at "Pl-"
That $.50 per can soup generated a $.75 off Catalina which doubled.  My soup was free, and the other $.50 came off on top of it.  Bonus.
The $4.49 BIG boxes of cereal which I'd saled and couponed down to $1.75 each generated a $1.50 off 3 Catalina.  Under $1.50 each for four big boxes of cereal.
My hair dye - on sale for $5.99, I had a $3 off coupon.  $2.99 for a $10 item.  My grey is coming in badly, so now I won't look quite so old next time I maniacally scan coupons and grab for the clattering Catalina machine.
The dude waiting in line was watching with interest.

And then....there it was.  Our final, post-coupon total.
$82.88

Andy said "Oh my god!"   
We paid, our $5 OYNO Catalinas printed along with a 4 foot long receipt.  $50 in coupon savings, which I proudly announced to my beloved.  The dude behind us was bugeyed at this point.

We made a 30 second pit stop at Customer Service to get a rain check for some insanely cheap sale fruit juice they were out of.  I hope to find a coupon or four on that one for later.
 
No longer angry, we giggled our way out to the parking lot to pack the car full of groceries.  The only things we'll need to buy for at least a month are eggs, milk, meat and cheese.  Maybe a little fresh produce if the sales are good.

I'm gonna need a bigger coupon file.