I just saved 89% off my grocery bill

Grocery trip, part one.

It was a dark and stormy night; no shit, there I was.  I had a stack of coupons, a shopping list, and an evil, evil plan.  Plans don't always go perfectly and this one is no different, but I thought quick; I reformulated on the fly.  And I made it happen.

My mission: purchase hot dogs, coffee, bologna, cheese, cat food, and a couple candy bars for the road.  Not only purchase them, but spend as little money as possible doing so.

We entered the store, took a cart, and I lead the charge with a purposeful stride.  If I'd been wearing a cape (which I totally should have, dammit!), it would have been flowing dramatically behind me and perhaps some appropriately dramatic music would have been playing.  

I loaded six big canisters of coffee in the cart.  Check.

I loaded 8lbs of bologna in the cart.  Check.

I went to load 8lbs of hot dogs in the cart - but wait!  They'd been picked nearly clean!  Only six pounds remained in the store.  Shaking my fist skyward, I wailed "NOOOOOOO!"  And then I collected myself and tossed four pounds in the cart.   I had to buy those in multiples of four; no more, no less.  That's okay.  I'll get the rest another time.

Andy patiently trailed behind me with the cart as I strode onwards.

I loaded 8 packages of cheese slices into the cart.  Sharp cheddar.  Two percent.  It ain't gourmet, but it freezes well and it's cheap.  

I loaded in 6 cans of cat food, two candy bars, and a box of Tic Tacs.  We strode to the self checkout registers and were distracted by the coolers of soda.  There was a tearpad of coupons hanging there, taunting us, offering $.50 off a Pepsi Max product.  That coupon doubles at our store, so I grabbed two icy beverages and two coupons to provide the refreshment we'll surely need.

Checkout.  Andy took up his post at the bagging area and I stood at the register, poised to begin.

And.....we're off.

I scanned 8lbs of bologna.  Total $15.12.  I scanned four $1/2 (one dollar off two packages) coupons for lunchmeat.  Total $11.12.  I fed the cash into the machine and it reciprocated by printing out two $5 OYNO (off your next order) Catalinas.

Next I scanned through the six coffees.  Total $35.94.  I scanned four $1/1 coupons and both $5 OYNOs.  Total $21.94.  

The machine gave me back four $5 OYNOs.

Next I scanned through the 8 packages of cheese.  Total $16.  I scanned four $1/2 coupons and two $5 OYNOs.  Total $2.00.  

I got back two more $5 OYNOs.

For my grand finale, I scanned through 4lbs of hot dogs, six cans of cat food*, two candy bars, one box of Tic Tacs*, and two bottles of Pepsi Max*.  Total $19.95.  I scanned two $1/2 hot dog coupons, three $1/2 cat food coupons, two $.50/1 Pepsi coupons, one $.75/1 Tic Tac coupon, and one BOGO (buy one get one) candy bar coupon.  With a flourish and a swell of climactic mental music, I scanned one more $5 OYNO.  Total $1.87.

I got back one more $5 OYNOs and a $1 OYNO.

(* free after coupons)

I went in there with $40 in cash in my hand.

I walked out with $3.04 in change and $21 worth of OYNOs

Total shelf price (no coupons or store sales): $149.22

Cash paid: $36.96

Remaining same-as-cash OYNO Catalina coupons: $21

True out of pocket cost: $15.96, for a savings of 89.31%

I'm working out my game plan to continue the above scenario in another trip with shredded cheese (12-15 bags depending on how it works out), mayo, sour cream, and the rest of the hot dogs.  When I finish with that, I'll still have $21 in OYNO Catalinas to purchase meat and produce.

The above breakdown is what's known as "rolling Catalinas."  I figured out the fewest number of items I'd need to buy with this sale to generate a $5 OYNO.  After making the first purchase of the bologna, I used the OYNOs to pay for part of my next purchase, which generated an equal or greater amount of OYNOs back, and I continued that on until I'd purchased everything I needed to buy.  In the right circumstances this completely obliterates your OOP (out of pocket) cost, getting you 8 packages of cheese slices for $2.  If you purchased those same cheese slices without sales, coupons, or rolling Cats, they would cost $31.92 in my store.  The coffee has a shelf price of $62.94.  My out of pocket cost was $11.94, or $1.99 per canister, or a savings of 81% .  A little bit of math saved me over $100 on this one grocery trip alone.

I can hear someone out there screaming "OMG LOOK AT ALL THAT PROCESSED FOOD!!1ONE~~!"

Yeah.  I know.  That's a lot of hot dogs and bologna and those are not very good for you at all.  Those hot dogs and the bologna will literally last us a year, though.  Andy doesn't eat hot dogs and we only eat bologna occasionally; the year timeframe isn't an exaggeration.

As to the cheese slices?  Eh.  Believe me, if I could afford it every week I'd eat organic grass-fed hormone-free gourmet raw milk etc etc etc cheese.  In the real world, though, those 8 packages of cheese cost me $.25 each.  They're fine for a grilled cheese sandwich (or a fried bologna sandwich, YUM!) and they'll last us 6 months.

At the end of the shredded cheese & mayo trip, we'll still have $21 left over in OYNOs to buy the healthy stuff and we won't need to worry about cheese, coffee, mayo, or processed meat for 6 months to a year.  Seriously.  In addition to the above, we're stocked on flour, sugar, pasta, canned/frozen veggies, canned fruit, pasta sauce, spices & seasonings, jam, and several other nonperishables for 3-6 months. 

All we'll need to buy in that time is meat, produce, milk & eggs, and a few odds & ends.  Some of the money we'd normally spend on higher priced coffee or pasta or whatever will go to other "stock ups" like this; when evaporated milk, foil/parchment/plastic wrap, yeast, TP and so on go on sale, I'm prepared with a stack of coupons and extra money to buy it cheap.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to sit here and be proud of myself.